@duplicitron: This pizza looks like a pie chart of 100% good news.
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@DionneMcNutt: There's 3 ways to get something done: do it yourself, hire someone or forbid your kids to do it.
@QwertyJones3: "Mr. Trump how will you beat Hillary Clinton?" TRUMP: I'll win NY, Florida, Ohio, we're going to add states, Gerzona, Timbaland, Waterworld
@hpb777: Sometimes I wonder how people who don't have kids get their TV remotes from the other side of the room.
@Storminika: Every time Nicki Minaj tells someone their voice isn't good enough on Idols, someone is crushed to death by the weight of the irony.