@PaulyPeligroso: This pumpkin spice toilet paper seems unnecessary, but I'll taste it nonetheless.
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@drhappyknuckles: First they came for the fat, whiny losers, and I said nothing, because they got me immediately. I was like the first person they got.
@jonnysun: the most efective way to clean ur room, start a creative project, run errands, cook, brush ur teeth and take a shower is to study for a exam
@raydevito: Watching cross country skiing is as entertaining as watching a person ride an elliptical
@DadandBuried: *putting kid to bed* Me: Goodnight, buddy, I love you. Sleep tight. 7yo: Dad, you have to make sugar cookies to bring to class tomorrow. Goodnight!