@bornmiserable: "This race is over," said Donald Trump, referring to the entire human race if he is elected president.
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@david8hughes: [last supper] "Wine!" exclaims Jesus touching everyone's water glasses. "Wine, wine, wine [arrives at Judas] Mountain Dew lol."
@awkwardphilippe: [home depot] employee[yelling]: YOU CAN'T DO THAT IN HERE me: [yelling over the sound of revving chainsaw]: WHAT
@Coolisiana: *a jerk tries to punch me but I catch it perfectly in my mouth and swallow him whole like a snake*