@vexroid: This restaurant should really be giving me a discount for ordering carryout and not bringing my kids inside.
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@GABBYdaAngSaya: Her: I'm leaving you Me: Because of the ancient Roman literature puns? Her: Yah Me: But Aenid you
@eedrk: [struts into party on stilts just as everyone starts talking about how they hate stilts. i try to turn around but careen over onto the cake]
@Book_Krazy: Mom, I'm glad April Fools is on a wkend. Kids at school are jerks Me:*Hiding a plate of waffles drenched in olive oil* yeah people are mean
@mrjohndarby: Cop: I have bad news. It's your son. You need to come down to the mortuary Mom: But…how? Cop: Maybe get a cab?