@Snarfernini: This salad tastes like I'm about done with my New Year's Resolution.
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@david8hughes: Army guy: sniper in the clock tower, 6 o'clock Me [seeing the time on the clock tower says 5 o'clock]: we'll worry about him in an hour then
@TheRealNickKay: [DEATH ROW] WARDEN: Last meal? CON: Just a glass of lemonade please *Drinks lemonade/Burps* WARDEN: Pardon [CON WALKS FREE] W: SHIT
@Freudianscript: Someone told me to settle down, & I wasn't sure if they meant for me to calm down, or buy a house & start a family.