@behindyourback: This Slow Jaywalker Thinks The Driver Of The Oncoming Car Values Human Life More Than Proving A Point, What Happens Next Will Surprise Him!
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@Cravin4: There is nothing sexier than when she locks eyes with me as she finishes... ..Frying the bacon
@OctopusCaveman: Me: Remember when Rodney King got beat up and everyone had that weird party in LA? Jill: It was a riot. Me: It wasn't funny Jill.
@david8hughes: Army guy: sniper in the clock tower, 6 o'clock Me [seeing the time on the clock tower says 5 o'clock]: I'm just gonna nap for an hour then
@briangaar: Honey, look what I found on our son's computer *opens folder of walkthroughs, wife starts sobbing* I'm calling the police