@DanHopp: This sounds bad:
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@ehdannyboy: FACT: Uma Thurman is the only person to ever have been named by someone with a mouthful of food.
@LLCoolJeffrey: Hobbies include: 1. Crying about the past 2. Procrastinating in the present 3. Worrying about the future
@BlondAmbitionTO: On dates, if a man says the past tense of "see" as "I seen" instead of "I saw," I go to the bathroom and climb out the window.