@PanettaSexyTime: This spider just got away from me because I made the classic villain mistake of telling him my whole evil plan before killing him.
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@Book_Krazy: Dr: Have you been getting enough exercise? Me: Does sex count as exercise? Dr: Yes. Me: No.
@Quartzjixler: Oppenheimer at the A-Bomb test saying "Now, I am become Death, the destroyer of worlds" only me exiting the bathroom after eating Taco Bell.
@JWilsonGA: Just saw my wife's tampon string hanging out while she slept. Not sure, but I bet if I lit her fuse she'd explode bigger than any firework.
@DestineyLynn: As I was going through my wallet for a second I thought I got robbed... And then I remembered I got gas.