@PanettaSexyTime: This spider just got away from me because I made the classic villain mistake of telling him my whole evil plan before killing him.
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@Ideal_Victoria: I only have sex with the lights off to prevent having to explain some of my tattoos.
@Phook75: If Thomas Jefferson was alive today people would scream "What the hell? You're almost 300 years old!"
@shutupmikeginn: The pigeons behind my apartment are fighting for claim to half a rain soaked hotdog. Fighting me.