@PanettaSexyTime: This spider just got away from me because I made the classic villain mistake of telling him my whole evil plan before killing him.
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@ClichedOut: Mall Cop: The guy from Jersey Shore stole a spray tan kit. He's running up the escalator. [static] MC: THE SITUATION IS ESCALATING RAPIDLY
@SadPeruna: Even if you don't pay, they'll usually let you go through a car wash at least once a day without a car.
@faungirl123: Me: *needles jabbing me thousands of times for a tattoo* So rad Also Me: *one needle, one jab at the dentist* Our Father, who art in heaven