@PanettaSexyTime: This spider just got away from me because I made the classic villain mistake of telling him my whole evil plan before killing him.
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@JohnLyonTweets: I admit opening an alligator petting zoo was not the best idea, but I told the kids to be careful so there's plenty of blame to go around.
@weinerdog4life: A good way to make friends is to crawl under the bathroom stall quickly before they can get away
@KalvinMacleod: BANK TELLER: to open an account I'll need a first name ME: Robin BT: and a last? ME: Dabanc BT: so ur Robin Dabanc Me: *slowly reveals gun*
@KylePlantEmoji: Seeing a bicycle cop is like seeing a snake wearing a lil top hat. Like I know you're dangerous but c'mon, look at you lol