@ilovepie84: This Teenage girl gave me attitude today so I called her the "Fattest Skinny person I have ever seen" that should confuse her for a while.
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@3sunzzz: Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. ~What is your sin, child? My husband and I are arguing ~That's very common. ...about my boyfriend.
@scott_towel: When I was a child I dreamed of being an old west cowboy. When I grew up I realized they didn't have toilet paper with aloe.
@iGreenMonk: I just wish my ex-wife could look down from Heaven and see me now. But no, she's still alive.
@Amburglar_: Mad at your man? Five minutes before he gets home, turn on "Pitch Perfect" then hide the remote in the dishwasher.