@BigO_303: This third bottle of wine has turned everything into a microphone.
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@jan_rtr: My kid is singing "Mac-n-cheese" to the tune of "Stand by Me." You guys just tried it, didn't you?
@Douchekevin: SHHHHH!!!!!!! I just got followed by a Jehovah Witness. All of you keep quiet and pretend we aren't home...
@thatUPSdude: [1st date] Would it be odd if someone brought their cat on a date? Her: Very, what's in the box? Nothing, waiter cancel that can of tuna
@NervousJr: my drafts folder is a lot like all of my exes. they totally made sense in my head at the time, but now I cringe when I look at them.