@wokieleaks1: This thread gets better every time I read it
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@stephenjmolloy: Me: "This new flavour of Pringles is horrible." Wife: "You're eating a tube of tennis balls."
@AlexRogaski: The difference between running and jogging is that runners compete in races and joggers find dead bodies on Law and Order
@IAmMikeFeeney: What they say: "Hey, have you lost weight?" What they mean: "Hey, I remember you being a lot fatter. What gives?"
@MelissaDawn1974: Society has this weird perception that nurses are the most nurturing parents. My kids: My arm hurts when I move it!! Me: Then don't do it.