@primawesome: This transition of power reminds me of when my grandma turned over Thanksgiving duties to my mom and the night ended with police showing up.
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@DurtMcHurtt: Rob somebody at gunpoint today, show the world how serious you are at nicknaming your new friend Robert.
@dafloydsta: [couples therapy] HER: He's always talking down to me ME: *heavy sigh* It's called being condescending but I doubt you knew that, Karen
@TheAlexNevil: Boss: What are you doing here on a Saturday?? Me (eating leftovers from fridge): ...reports.
@PaulyPeligroso: A man caught me applying chap stick, so I just started eating it so it wouldn't be weird.