@SamGrittner: This Uber driver is the worst. I can't roll down the windows, he keeps asking questions, the doors won't open, and now his siren is blaring.
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@sarbeaaaar: MY DENTIST ASKED HIS ASSISTANT TO SUCTION (THE WATER OUT OF MY MOUTH)BUT I THOUGHT HE WAS TALKING TO ME SO I SUCKED HIS FINGER. IM MORTIFIED
@Ideal_Victoria: I’m getting tired of always having to slowly raise my hand every time someone angrily asks, “Who does something like that?!”
@PaperWash: [1st date] date: ...you said you had abs me: [squints] everyone has abdominal muscles, Susan
@hazelmotes1: Son, I grew up in a golden age when the bookstore didn't have an entire section labeled "Teen Paranormal Romance."