@SamGrittner: This Uber driver is the worst. I can't roll down the windows, he keeps asking questions, the doors won't open, and now his siren is blaring.
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@KentWGraham: Why don’t the enemies of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles just flip them on their backs?
@ThRealBallsDeep: <at first day of t-ball practice> Me:What's the first rule here, boys? Kid:Don't poop your pants? M:I was gonna say "have fun" but...OK.
@TrueTorontoGirl: My friend is looking for a single, normal, well adjusted man. I told her to avoid twitter.