@SamGrittner: This Uber driver is the worst. I can't roll down the windows, he keeps asking questions, the doors won't open, and now his siren is blaring.
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@kamtweeting: There are hospitals for the criminally insane. And then there are parliaments for the insanely criminal.
@TheCatWhisprer: The problem with teaching a man to fish is that eventually somebody will microwave that fish in the work break room.
@Sarcasticsapien: Cinderella is my favorite story about women who fight over a man who doesn't even remember what a woman he spent the night with looks like.