@SamGrittner: This Uber driver is the worst. I can't roll down the windows, he keeps asking questions, the doors won't open, and now his siren is blaring.
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@ch000ch: one time a kid at recess said i couldnt actually dig a hole to china, i said "Watch me" then walked away. i avoided him the rest of the year
@SoVeryBritish: Responding as if you've just been wrongfully accused of murder when someone on the phone asks if you're still in bed
@Brampersandon_: [Rock Paper Scissors Best of 7 Championship] *down 3 games to 0 against Edward Scissorhands* MY COACH: Stop choosing paper!
@StephenBCramer: Nana's house is getting real bad, you can't swing a dead cat without hitting another dead cat.