@SamGrittner: This Uber driver is the worst. I can't roll down the windows, he keeps asking questions, the doors won't open, and now his siren is blaring.
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@junejuly12: [Coffee line] *Sees cute barista* *Twirls hair* No whipped cream please *Sees his backward sunglasses* *Drops hand* Never mind. Load it up.
@Moemontes: To the dude i just saw driving a beat up Ford mini van with spare tire and dream catcher on mirror: that dream catchers not working dude!
@IvankaTrump: Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"