@meganamram: This Venn guy was sure bad at drawing circles next to each other
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@DurtMcHurtt: Whenever someone mentions rat poison part of me imagines a tiny rodent cover band playing 80s power ballads.
@kumailn: If I had a time machine I'd go back 10 years and tell myself "Write down the names of all the people you loan stuff to."
@tastefactory: [the year 2057] iPhone 49: *reaches for some of my fries* Me: No. if you wanted fries you should have ordered some
@matt___nelson: 911: what's your emerg- ME: I'VE BEEN SHOT 911: ...why would you interrupt me like that?