@Molly_Kats: This vodka tastes strange, kinda like I'm not going to work tomorrow.
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@kelkulus: Felix Baumgartner's 127,000 ft jump becomes world's greatest free fall, unseating previous record set by the 2008 US Economy. #spacejump
@JakeDuarte43: Auto correct is like when a 3yo kid wants to help wash the car.its a nice gesture but really its just slowing shit down! :)
@LackOfShame: Server: Would you like another glass of wine? Me: I'm sorry, I don't have time Server: For the wine? Me: No, for silly questions