@Sam_From_Kansas: This waitress at Olive Garden has been grating cheese onto my plate for 13 hours now.
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@Tommytoughstuff: [Post fight interview w/ boxer Joey "poor choice of words" Stevens] Joey: "I just couldn't get that guy to go down on me."
@Mr_Kapowski: [kid's party] Me: Can we leave? These things take forever Wife: *harsh whisper* Shut your mouth. Watch our daughter open her presents
@EndhooS: [See's a guy playing bagpipes] Son: Why's that man wearing a skirt? Me: I think the real question is why is he sucking that musical octopus?