@dulcetry: This Walmart is advertising $9.99 iPads to anyone who throws their baby into a snakepit.
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@panmidwest: ME: thanks for "showing me the ropes" lol SAILING INSTRUCTOR: you're not even making a joke sailing is literally where that comes from
@PajamaBenLaden: *undercover cop knocks* Hi fill out this survey to win a free IPad! 1. name 2. address 3. email 4. where are drugs *mustache falls off*
@david8hughes: [Joseph & Mary answers door to god] "Mary, you're looking well." [Joseph puts arm around Mary & raises an eyebrow] "Jesus, your dad's here."