@dulcetry: This Walmart is advertising $9.99 iPads to anyone who throws their baby into a snakepit.
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@DominicStraw: "No! Don't go into the church! Nooo!" "Honey, what movie are you watching?" "Our wedding video."
@Douchekevin: My gf told me to take my phone and stick it where the sun don't shine. So I sent it to Seattle. Women make no sense some days.
@TheRolo: And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance... Barista: Sir your Caffè Mocha is ready. Me: Oh ok nevermind.
@nishadtrivedi: Give a man an axe and he'll kill a person. Teach a man how to incorrectly spray on Axe and he'll kill everyone in a 30-ft radius.