@AdriannaLaCervx: This whole "parenting a teenager" thing isn't really working out. I'm going to tell him I just want to be friends.
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@JDBooie: "I love you and I will always keep you safe." DAUGHTER: What about bees? "I love you and I will sometimes keep you safe."
@Reverend_Scott: *rubs magic lamp, genie appears* I wish for World peace. Genie: Can't do it. Million dollars? Genie: Listen bro, I lied on my genie resume.
@thesulk: Whenever teachers say 'show your work', just write a bunch of numbers down and hope they're tired that night.