@DilapidatedDino: This whole time I thought 50 Shades of Grey was a coloring book for dogs
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@NicestHippo: Ever since childhood I've identified as a hippo. While other kids were playing, I savagely mauled villagers. #TransSpecies
@omically: [dentist chair] how's school? *I start talking, dentist notices his hand isn't in my mouth* oh sorry *puts hand in my mouth* how's school?
@haleysfalling: so people are okay with batman wearing a cape but when i do it i "need to put my hospital gown on the right way"
@david8hughes: [painting a picture of the last supper] "Who's that?" "Darth Vader." "Was he 1 of Jesus disciples?" "I dunno, I've only seen the 1st movie."