@DilapidatedDino: This whole time I thought 50 Shades of Grey was a coloring book for dogs
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@fivethirtyeight: Becoming hard to tell difference between credible news organizations like 4chan and troll sites like New York Post.
@MaladjustedMind: Dating is like playing musical chairs. Somewhere between 25&30 the music stopped& everyone grabbed a husband. I must've been in the bathroom
@TheRealRHB: Just because I reported several women to HR for not washing their hands after using the rest room doesn't mean the camera they found is mine
@WheelTod: Me: How old is your daughter? Her: She'll be 4 next week. Me: *audible sigh (Slowly, emphatically): OK. But I asked how old is she... NOW.