@MzCoburn: This whole time I thought Ariana Grande was a font
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@robfee: Paper towel ads always show kids making huge messes then mom smiles & cleans it up. My mom would've handed me a mop then beat me with a belt
@AntoKenya: My girlfriend once told me she was pregnant. I was so excited that I ran to another country and have never seen her from then.
@LostCatDog: I peed in an ocean, but I'm not going to tell you which one - you're going to have to take your chances.