@BackrowSeats: This woman at the bar said "move, you're blocking the door" & I'm like strange pickup line but sure here's my number.
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@flashember: [Cop questioning suspected watermelon thief] COP: *squints* Was it you? GIRAFFE (who has watermelon-sized bulge halfway down his neck): Nope
@notalogin: *Dentist's waiting room* *Trying to make conversation with other patient* So... I guess you have teeth, too?