@onelongbender: This woman at work sounds just like me. I'm going to pay her to call my Mom and occasionally say mmhmm and how nice.
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@OhNoSheTwitnt: You think if I tell my dad "30 is the new 20" he'll start paying all my bills for me again like he did 10 years ago?
@PaperWash: What's that, turkey? GOBBLE GOBBLE Timmy fell in a well? GOBBLE GOBBLE [breaks turkey's neck] no time for your riddles, in the oven you go
@FlyoverJoel: The woman selling sea shells by the sea shore must have had a strong personal brand to overcome such a poor business model.
@SteveInevitable: While texting a girl she told me "I'm board" so I stopped seeing her. I wasn't offended. I just don't date wood. Or people who can't spell.