@JennyJohnsonHi5: This woman got so offended when I asked if I could pet her son, like I'm the one who put him on a leash.
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@YesImMatt: A woman could tweet "My dog just died" and she would get replies like "Well, I'm not dead ;)"
@davedittell: prayers by believers to a "Sweet Jesus" imply additional deities: Sour Jesus, Salty Jesus, Umami Jesus and, most frighteningly, Bitter Jesus
@JennyJohnsonHi5: I bet at least ONE of Leonardo DiCaprio's friends has called him Leotard. Probably Mark Wahlberg...
@3sunzzz: H: What is that you're having for lunch? Me: fruit salad H: That's funny, it looks like a sangria. Me: huh, weird *sips fruit salad*