@JennyJohnsonHi5: This woman got so offended when I asked if I could pet her son, like I'm the one who put him on a leash.
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@AaronEves: "Who am I talking to, Ouija Board™?" *S-A-T-A-N* "Satan, do any boys in my class like me?"
@CanadianPitbull: Apparently "mowing the lawn" means two completely different things to my wife and I
@Tommytoughstuff: WIFE: Oh darn I have a loose thread on my sweater. ME: (waiting for the right time to tell her I bought a sword) Allow me m' lady.