@girlwithatail: This woman's "I'm deleting my Facebook" post has 52 comments and she's replied to all of them. Not a strong start.
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@DurtMcHurtt: [eating an entire extra large pizza to myself] ME: *hears a knock on the door* THIS STALL IS TAKEN.
@EndhooS: [Jack Black's birthday] Oh wow..ANOTHER rock polisher, thanks grandma. "How is Rock School going dear?" It's School of ro- *sigh* nevermind.
@NYC_Blonde: If I ever get a dog I'm going to teach him how to fetch useful things like tv remotes, iPhones and men who like red wine.
@lovemydogduck: 24 astronauts were born in Ohio. What is about your state that makes people want to flee the Earth?