@Mr_Mike_Clarke: #ThisExplainsWhy my hair is such a mess EVERY morning!
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@matt_travelling: Why do people say tunafish, rather than just tuna? Is that to differentiate from the tunacow and tunagiraffe?
@bigmacher: Me: "Hey towel, you're looking good. What u doing later?" Wife: That's not what I meant by pick up my towel. Just hand it to me, idiot.