@Home_Halfway: Thomas Jefferson's dad's name was Thomas Jefferdad. Really makes you think
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@elle91: "I'm going to make a great mother one day" I whisper to myself as I catch my burrito mid-fall and only a single bean spills out
@SladeBlue: Forget waterboarding... I'm ready to tell this damn popcorn kernel stuck in my tooth everything it wants to know.
@too_chihuahua: "How much are these glasses?" "$150 sir" "I guess you could say" *puts on sunglasses* *runs out without another word*
@BoozyMusic: My new cat, John Cena, wants me to remind y'all to never let your kids name your pets.