@Home_Halfway: Thomas Jefferson's dad's name was Thomas Jefferdad. Really makes you think
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@jwoodham: INTERVIEWER: What's your greatest strength? M. NIGHT SHYAMALAN: [Removes mask to reveal that he was actually the interviewer the whole time]
@JCWisdomNuggets: "Paper or pl.." ..astic! OMG we finish each other's sentences! You complete mmmm... "I'm not saying 'me'" ME! OMG we did it again! "..."
@kelkulus: People who complain that my Christmas gifts are "stupid" and "thoughtless" clearly have no idea how hard it is to wrap a pineapple.
@DillDoes: *walking in forest* *tree falls and makes a loud noise* WOAH *tree gets up* *tree pull a knife on me* "You didn't hear SHIT" *tree runs off*