@robdelaney: Those a-hole guys on "Teen Mom" don't think being a dad is "cool." Well check me out #Responsibility never looked so "swag! " lol
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@SteveSuckington: [comes home from store] Wife: [shaking her head] Let me guess... earmuffs were on sale? Me: [wearing 17 pairs of earmuffs] WHAT?
@Fyrekrakr73: Hire a hitman is apparently not the correct answer to "what would you do if you won the lottery"
@jessienope: religious? why yes i'm very religious, i'm always reading [glances at bible] the beeblay