@robdelaney: Those a-hole guys on "Teen Mom" don't think being a dad is "cool." Well check me out #Responsibility never looked so "swag! " lol
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@TheDairylandDon: I swallow at least one note per meal that says "we're all really proud of you," in case the person who does my autopsy is having a bad day.
@tastefactory: Hey pal, you wanna take this outside? *me & the guy from the bar scoop the bug up on a napkin and set it down gently on the grass in front*