@JohnLyonTweets: Those guys who came by the office to ask for protection money kept breaking things. Like I'm going to pay people that clumsy to protect me!
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@AmberDonn: The main reason I lost my virginity was to ensure I wouldn't be sacrificed anytime soon.
@RocketRankoon: *GF walks in dressed up "Who's the babe and what've you done with my gf?" GF: Haha *tackles imposter and puts her in choke hold WHERE IS SHE
@CharismaFueled: Apparently, changing your profile to "Flirty, dirty and a little squirty" gets you kicked out of Christian Mingle.