@brennadine: Those magical three words you've been waiting so long to hear. Red, or white?
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@KeetPotato: [firemen meeting] if we had a pole instead of stairs, we could get to the trucks much quicker *from back* "why dont we just sit downstairs?"
@vineyille: How’d you come up with the idea? Inventor of pac man: I took a bunch of pills one night and ate a ghost. I thought “now here’s something”
@simoncholland: Based on all the white smoke billowing out, I think my lawn mower just picked a new pope.
@Brianhopecomedy: Played twister with my kids and now hold the world record for saying, "That's not your left foot" a billion times.