@Kayditty: Those people that get up and are already home from the gym by 7 a.m. make me believe the movie Men in Black just may be true after all.
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@jakob_huber: *meets girl for coffee* *sets down blueprints for bank* "What's this?" Your dating profile said you were looking for a partner in crime
@caseytduncan: I always eat duck with a few slices of cheap bread, because I know they would've enjoyed it.
@TGIJeff: When they ask me in a job interview what my greatest weakness is, I always say that I can't open my eyes under water