@eudaimonium: Those who carry teensy cute purses shouldn't throw stones at those who wear cargo shorts, because I can carry more stones.
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@TheIronSherk: Why is it called a "network of computers streaming Disney movies to cows" and not "Moo-LAN"
@realHamOnWry: I slept through my girlfriend's alarm this morning and hit the ground running after her husband threw me out the window.
@ocourtneyno: When you accidentally type "me" instead of "my" I read your tweets as if you are a leprechaun.