@Parentpains: Thought I had $707 in my bank account, turns out it was "LOL" and I was holding my statement upside down.
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@Reverend_Scott: The year 2932, lines for the new iPhone are so long, many die before reaching the end. Those who do, get back in line for the next phone.
@tarashoe: A WOMAN: i've only been washing my hair ME: IN THE OFFICE BATHROOM SINK!! ME TOO!! THE WOMAN: once a ME: ONCE I WAKE UP I KNOW SAME ME TOO!!
@PaperWash: [death row] Guard: alright tough guy one last meal Me: a cyanide pill Guard: what? no we want to kill you! Me: too bad Guard: aw man
@TheBoydP: If you get nervous when the IT support desk takes control of your computer remember they're whispering "no weirdos please" to themselves.