@WakeVII: Thought I was at a Nicki Minaj concert for 15 min before I realized I was just watching a homeless man yell at a squirrel.
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@SocialExtortion: How to pick up women: 1-approach beautiful lady 2-bend at the knees 3-lift gently 4-oh god she's screaming 5-put her down the cops are here
@pevbim: I've never held a baby before "It'll be fine" *I accidentally put the baby in a box and mail it to North Korea*
@KattsDogma: "How about we go with a gerund, but, like, maybe just half a gerund." - How ING Bank got its name
@JermHimselfish: As you get older, dirty talk turns into "Yeah baby, take that nap. Take all of it honey. You like that couch? Oh yeah, sleep on it..."