@WakeVII: Thought I was at a Nicki Minaj concert for 15 min before I realized I was just watching a homeless man yell at a squirrel.
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@onascaleof1210: To the person crowding me in the checkout line, do you want a hug .. 'cause if you get any closer, I'm gonna assume you do and give you one.
@ArfMeasures: COP: There's been a murder BATMAN: I won't rest until I avenge them C: It's outside of Gotham B: Actually I have got a lot on at the moment
@AlexReekie: There’s plenty more fish in the sea “Actually we’ve 5% the tuna we once had. 10% of sharks. 5% of cod” I’m bad at consoling dumped friends