@WakeVII: Thought I was at a Nicki Minaj concert for 15 min before I realized I was just watching a homeless man yell at a squirrel.
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@valenty__: Leo: *names his child Oscar* Doctor: "Would you like to hol-" Leo: "Say it like we rehearsed it." Doctor: *sighs* "And the Oscar goes to..."
@Kyle_Raney: [hospital] "We found the problem. There's an entire sheep in your stomach." "Is that bahahaad?" "Yes. It's causing some internal bleating."
@NoogsCorner: Women always complain about periods. Talk to me when ovaries become supersensitive, hang in a thin sac and you accidentally sit on them.