@DurtMcHurtt: Thought somebody was touching my neck so I turned around and did a karate chop stance, turns out it was just my feather earring.
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@Reverend_Scott: WIFE: What are you doing? ME: IT'S NOT WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE WIFE: You're teaching the dog karate? ME: Then it's exactly what it looks like.
@squirrel74wkgn: As I exposed my glorious chest hairs & catapulted toward the Velcro wall, I realized that I had no exit strategy.
@MissBamantha: Nothing in the history of the English language has backfired more than the phrase "calm down."