@DurtMcHurtt: Thought somebody was touching my neck so I turned around and did a karate chop stance, turns out it was just my feather earring.
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@NiceLittleWife: When I go to Victoria's Secret, I just throw things on the floor to see how they'll really look.
@DrCephalopod: Son: I want a LEGO Millennium Falcon for Christmas Me: *checking price online* would you settle for the actual Millennium Falcon?
@LionJenkins: Rolls down car window. Throws caution to the wind. Spends an hour cleaning caution off the side of the car.
@BuckyIsotope: All the toys under the tree Have now gone completely missing You’ve been hit by You’ve been struck by Reverse Santa Claus