@SteveDutzy: THOUGHTS AND PRAYERS TO ALL THE BROS ON INSTAGRAM WHO CAN'T AFFORD SHIRTS
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@JohnLyonTweets: Hey Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me. *Tambourine Man shakes tambourine for several minutes* Well that sucked.
@RumAndReeses: Whew, good thing there's a facebook petition for ending the shutdown, or else we'd be in real trouble.
@MondayPajamas: *cleaning out wallet* Wife: Why don't you just buy a new one? Me: What? This thing's practically brand new *finds Nirvana ticket stubbs*
@TheAlexNevil: Parent Tip: don't tell your child "I'm waiting, I can wait all day if I have to" unless you've actually cleared your schedule for the day.