@SteveDutzy: THOUGHTS AND PRAYERS TO ALL THE BROS ON INSTAGRAM WHO CAN'T AFFORD SHIRTS
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@AskAuntieEm1: I can't seem to convince these dogs & cats that I don't need their assistance in the bathroom.
@TuffyNyC: I'm responsible for the deaths of 100's local singles in my area. They were dying to meet me & I did nothing. I did nothing!
@BlindChow: DOG COP: sir, you ran a gray light DOG DRIVER: it was gray! COP: no, it was gray! DRIVER: gray! COP: *starts barking* DRIVER: *barking*
@matt___nelson: 911: what's your emerg- ME: I'VE BEEN SHOT 911: ...why would you interrupt me like that?