@sheekaxo: Threw some protein bars in the trash & now the raccoons are bench pressing my neighbors Great Dane in the backyard.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@LaziestCanine: *beats a guitar hero song on expert mode* *changes Twitter bio to "musician/songwriter"*
@XplodingUnicorn: 4-year-old: Can we have Oreos for dinner? Me: Are you crazy? That’d be terrible for you. 4: Mom’s not home. Me: *eats Oreos for dinner*
@marinarachael: I don't know why we have three different pig emojis but it's great for when you need to tell someone a pig is slowly approaching: 🐖 🐷 🐽