@ceejoyner: Throw a baby badger so high that when it lands on your enemy it's fully grown and very upset. You left town years ago. The perfect crime.
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@Bmittone: I always feel bad for seedless watermelon because what if they wanted to have babies.
@robotrowboat: Starting to think that adult supervision is a myth. In fact, my eyes seem to be getting worse.
@mistakentweets: Texting...because men didn't have a hard enough time understanding women before so we had to take away the ability to convey tone.