@jimmytorosian: Throw stones at people who live in glass houses. They won't throw them back because they've been told their whole life that they shouldn't.
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@CantWaitToNap: An erotic footjob under a restaurant table can go bad real fast when your feet miss their mark…just ask my father-in-law.
@Aspersioncast: I bet short people get really excited when they accidentally hit their head on things.
@FeelingEuphoric: *flicks cigarette after a long drag* Here's the thi— *coughs for like ten minutes straight bc I've never smoked before*