@FootbalIStuff: Throwback to this classic tweet from the World Cup. 😂
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@jdforshort: There are some problems in life that can be solved with chocolate....others require a full clip and a shovel.
@0point5twins: "Is that your dog?" "No, actually she's adopted... we were unable to conceive a dog naturally ourselves"
@Crunk_Jews: [blind date] Her: I was so scared you'd be a weirdo Me [revving chainsaw]: I CANT HEAR YOU
@BeardSpice: [God creating spiders] What if I made a tiny land octopus that could walk on walls?