@topaz_kell: Throwing a grenade at someone who's taking a selfie is photobombing, right?
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@hippieswordfish: *emerges from a large magic lamp,* it's me the Reasonable genie, please only wish for things like 'drive me to the airport'
@TheMichaelRock: Presidents Day was created by big corporations to get you to buy more presidents.
@Sassafrantz: [texting] ex: your friends were looking at me really strange at the game. me: yeah well I told them you died in a hot air balloon accident.
@aligarchy: it's weird that the skin that holds in all the organs of our body can be opened with a sharp piece of paper seems like a huge design flaw