@SonOfCha: Throwing a surprise party for my girlfriend so just remember that on the count of three we all yell "SURPRISE YOU'RE ERIC'S GIRLFRIEND"
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@foodfacenow: *At restaurant trying to impress date* Me: How are these prepared? Waiter: The dinosaur chicken nuggets? In a microwave. Me: Excellent.
@cbdoubleu: Jeopardy] Alex: This floats your boat. Me [buzzing in]: What is buoyancy? Alex: I'm sorry. The answer we were looking for is, Whatever.