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@seamusmckracken: *Throws caution to the wind*
*gets covered in caution*
@XplodingUnicorn: Me: Why can't we feed the animals?
Wife: They'll get lazy and dependent and never, ever go away.
Me: *looks warily at our kids*
@OfficialMizGin: My friend’s 6-year-old was being obnoxious.
The mature thing to do was to tell him to settle down.
I challenged him to a rap battle.
@Hadzilla: Halloween '94: Mom says store sold out of Batman costumes and buys me a Catwoman one. Called me Catman. The worst part: she went as Batman?
@TheMichaelRock: *sees Salvation Army bell ringer*
"Here you go, buddy. Merry Christmas!"
"Sir, we don't accept children."
@vladchoc: Hey look, Grandma! You made the cover of "Didn't Make Me Any Cookies Weekly" again. "What good is she to anyone?" it says.