@lawyerthoughts: *throws phone over courthouse metal detector. catches phone on the other side. resumes conversation*
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@girlontapas: I started to go to yoga today and then I remembered that I could lie on the floor in my own house without driving anywhere.
@WisdomGifs: You'd think that atoms bonding with other atoms would mean they're being friendly, but really they steal each other's electrons. How ionic.
@Sassafrantz: I was so surprised when he said those three little words to me: "You're embarrassingly bad at math. This is over."
@nbadag: THERAPIST: you're running from something. what do u think it might be? [goose outside the window does throat-slitting motion] ME: uh—failure