@weinerdog4life: Tie a sweater around your waist so you can pretend a short ghost is hugging you.
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@TheSadnesses: [first date] “So… you didn’t mention that you’re trapped in 230 million year old amber.” [my motionless eyes glint within my golden shell]
@dubstep4dads: "haha! silly rabbit! trix are for-" *rabbit puts a gun to the kids head* who are they for billy. tell me again who they're for
@iamledgin: Hey, guy in Prius blasting heavy metal - decide which type of annoying person you want to be.