@weinerdog4life: Tie a sweater around your waist so you can pretend a short ghost is hugging you.
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@Mr_Kapowski: To the cars honking behind me, Sorry I held up the drive thru line for 5 minutes counting to make sure I got all 50 of my McNuggets
@julie2288: I told my dog 6,000 times, she could go out but I wasn't going to sit outside with her... Long story short, I'm sitting outside with her.
@JohnHilsen: If you stare in a mirror long enough and start screaming, you'll see angry faces of figures dressed in orange. *only works at Home Depot
@TheRolo: FBI: "Report anything that seems suspicious" Citizens: "Jet fuel can't melt steel beams" FBI: "K like not anything anything"