@OneTrickTofani: Tiger Woods: cool name, scary place
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@my_minivan_life: Just discovered my 7yo wearing his underwear backwards again. Playing classical music while pregnant is bullshit.
@LaceyNycole: Him: How much do you love me? Me: A bit more than pizza. Him: Me: But not as much as coffee.
@_NinJar: 1st rule of snitch club is d- "MIKE BROKE THE 1ST RULE!" Ok w- "JIM BROKE THE 3RD RULE!" *police sirens* Who called the cops *everyone runs*
@Travon: The Queen is so afraid of how the vote will turn out, she put Sam Smith in a boat circling Scotland singing "Stay With Me" into a megaphone.