@robdelaney: Tim Cook announces iPhone charger cord to be long enough to reach a socket, Apple stock price quadruples.
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@TheDailySchmuck: *makes third wish* Lastly, I want to be irresistible to women. [Transformed into really nice handbag] Dammit.
@tigersgoroooar: It sucks when an album has a real chill sad song and you’re like oh yeahh and then the next song is crazy loud it makes me wanna eat knives.
@HatfieldAnne: TV chef warns against “over vegetablizing” a sandwich. I lean in closely, hoping he’s also against “under buttering” everything else.
@FrenulumBreve: Me:[grabbing my guitar] i wrote this for you. Her: awww. Me:*pulls note out of guitar hole* "we're out of cereal."