@DaveAhdoot: Tim Cook has announced that he's gay. Samsung just filed a lawsuit claiming they came out of the closet 3 years ago. #Apple
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@Maui_Speaks: Every day the cat climbs a six-foot glass-block wall and watches my wife shower. She thinks it's cute. I do it once and I'm creepy.
@TheTweetOfGod: "The Bible" running on the History Channel is like "Dragons" running on Animal Planet.
@unravelingfire: People say I'm not very responsible, when in fact I'm responsible for "pajama casual" being added to the employee handbook as inappropriate.
@iinkedZombie: Kids these days think Christmas is all about getting presents instead of celebrating the birth of Santa Claus.