@desi_princess: Tim Cook just came out. Waiting for the Android version.
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@causticbob: GF: "I'm telling you now! Size does not matter, it doesn't make you any less important." BF: "Yeah? Well explain that to Pluto."
@jeffswarens: If you stare at a 6 year old when they're eating a banana split, they hold it real close and eat faster.
@NamestartswithZ: ME IN 2010: My prospects for the future are bright and I am focused on them ME IN 2017: I'm going to tweet about a raccoon who outwits me
@2tickytacky: If your date asks what you do for a living, just say "You let me worry about that."