@JimCarrey: Time 4 the 3rd debate, the political eqivalent of driving past a street corner several times to make sure u choose the least skanky ho! ;^)
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@OBiiieeee: BOSS: why are you so late? ME: i definitely wasnt up until 4am watching Hey Arnold ha-ha BOSS: well i was and i got here on time
@XplodingUnicorn: 4-year-old: Can you hold my rubber ducky? Me: *takes the ducky* Why? 4: I dropped it in the toilet.
@TheMichaelRock: Coworker: Man, it was cold last night! Me: I had my heat on. CW: I meant outside. Me: I don't live outside. CW...