@JermHimselfish: Time flies when a falcon steals your wristwatch.
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@afbradstone: Today I heard a guy on the street say, "It's chowder season, baby!" so I pushed him in front of a bus because those are awesome last words
@JimmerThatisAll: I've been getting fewer and fewer new followers but I'll be damned if I'm going to tweet something good just because some people have taste.
@bourgeoisalien: Sometimes to take a break from frightening election news, I watch something far less horrifying like 'The Shining' or 'Silence of the Lambs'
@Kennedydp5: The lady walking ahead of me sped up so I did, she began running so I did, she screamed so I did. I never even saw what we were running from