@JermHimselfish: Time flies when a falcon steals your wristwatch.
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@hippieswordfish: joe: siri address me as poopyhead siri: okay poopyhead *obama enters* barack: joe have you seen my phone? joe: yep here *runs away giggling*
@TeejayRush: Reasons to not go camping No.154: People in sleeping bags are the soft tacos of the bear world...
@InternetHippo: BAND: How’s everyone doing tonight!! [crowd goes nuts] ME (standing in the middle, normal voice): Ok I guess. Kinda tired.